wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
