it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
