Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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