i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
