Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
