Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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