Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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