my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize