that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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