So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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