Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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