I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize