The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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