I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
