Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
