As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
