Define "chronic" masturbator.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
