I faked an abortion last night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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