You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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