Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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