she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
