Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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