just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
