i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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