So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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