I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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