Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
