i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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