I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A bitchslap is in order.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
