we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
