YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
