one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
