You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
