what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
