You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
