I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
