I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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