Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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