covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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