I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
