I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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