I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize