Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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