I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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