last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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