Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
