also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
