Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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