Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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