Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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