So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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