I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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