just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize