So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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