I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
