I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
