If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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