So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
