its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
