well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
