So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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