Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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