The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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