peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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