sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
