i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
