His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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