I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
