i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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