I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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