You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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