I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize