Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
