Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
