She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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